A lil’ bit of Me…


I don’t even remember when i wrote this one. i just found the page of the notebook on which I’d put this stuff down. from the tone, i’d say i wrote it sometime in my fourth year, quite possibly a lil’ before some exams. it’s quite snively and pathetic, and by no means indicative of my current state of mind, but i put it up so as to remind me that there are times when the shit seems perilously close to hitting the fan, but those times are quite trivial when looked at in hindsight…

It’s there somewhere. I can’t figure it out. I don’t know what it is, but it’s there. Somewhere among the confused thoughts in my head, it’s there. Playing with me, mocking my inability to discover it. Confusions, distractions, voices, clouds. I cannot reach it. It wants to get out, but it can’t. What is it that I want to write? What do I want to let out? Read the rest of this entry »


What do people mean when they say “I’ve moved on”? What does it mean, really? Does it mean that I was crushed because it didn’t work out, but now I’ve put it past me? Or maybe it means I no longer think of her, she’s history, and I always flunked history. Or for some, it’s more like “I’ve kicked the bitch right outta my mind, she’s no longer clogging up the system!”

Hell, I dunno. I’ve rarely had occasion to say that I’ve moved on from anything. But for some reason, whenever such occasion did arise, I could never consciously say those three words. Sometimes I wondered why. What was keeping me from putting a hurtful thought, an unfortunate failure behind me? I realised that I could never ‘move on’ when it came to my relationships (those successful, and those not quite), you know, the guy-girl thing. In every other case I could move on, be it bad grades, bad personal experiences, family hassles; anything but the chick bit. And I guess there’s only one reason for it. Read the rest of this entry »


I suddenly remembered today that i’d once written a song for the girl i had a crush on in my 2nd year, the pain in the ass chick. i wrote it after the song ‘hey lil girl’, and for a while, it was considered my best song. of course, that was ages ago, but it’s still not a bad song really 🙂 i dunno if i have any written record of that song, so i thought i’d put it up here… Read the rest of this entry »


This is one of my crappy attempts at songwriting. I wrote this song in my 2nd year on one of the gals I’ve had a crush on. Nothing happened of course (which in retrospect is a very good thing cuz this girl falls in the category which I loosely term a royal pain in the ass. Of course, at the time I wrote this song, I didn’t know that). I felt like putting it up cuz the lyrics have kinda become relevant nowadays. Same subject (a crush), different object (another gal, definitely not a royal pain in the ass!!). as such the original song was only very loosely based on the earlier gal. it’s much more suited and relevant to my latest crush. I’ve made some slight mods in the lyrics (like removing words like ‘yeah’ and ‘babe’) but the rest is the same as when first written… Read the rest of this entry »


this one i wrote when i was 17. was walking to college when i saw this old beggar. we tend to dismiss such people like so much garbage!! but humanity can exist in inhuman conditions as well… Read the rest of this entry »


I’ve only had the one girlfriend (and no, unfortunately it’s not the ‘more sleepless nights’ gal. But hey, my ex was pretty awesome too!!). I was pretty beat up after we broke up. This poem was actually a song I wrote. Now I think it reads better as a poem. It’s a poem about hope, cuz sometimes that’s all you’ve got to keep walking the line…

Tomorrow’s Another Day

I know what it’s like to have your heart broken
I’ve loved and lost and it hurts
You’re always wondering what made her walk right out of your life
Was it you, or was it her?

I’ve spent a lot of sleepless nights wondering what went wrong
I’ve done my share of crying
But one thing we’ve got to remember and that will keep us strong
That tomorrow’s another day

I know that it’s hard to forget the face you see every night in your dreams
I know it’s hard to forget the fun
I know it’s tough to leave all of those thoughts behind you
It’s so much easier said than done

But you’d better know that the world won’t meet you halfway
You’re the only one that’s got your back
So stop wallowing in this black hole of despair ‘cuz don’t you know
That tomorrow’s another day

I feel the turbulence of the hurricane on the emotional plane
The world’s a blurry blob through my tears
But one thing you’ve got to ask yourself is if what you really fear
Is that love will disappear?

Yes, I’ve felt myself that I may not love another girl again
I’ve been pissed at the pointless dreaming
But someone once told me that love is the last infatuation
Maybe that shit’s worth believing

I don’t believe anymore there’s someone out there made only for me
I thought my last girl was the one
But you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do to make your life make sense and know
That tomorrow’s another day

Just keep your chin up
Take a look around
Just remember
That tomorrow’s another day


wrote this one in first year. don’t really know how or why i started it, but i’m kinda sure the ending has something to do with the ‘more sleepless nights’ gal (can’t be fully sure though, i was pretty messed up back then). here goes…

Wish You Were Here

The couple at the altar swear to be together
In sickness and in health, till death do them apart
Promises so sweet, so noble, so magnificent,
That if they are true, they must come from the heart

The parson closes his tome
And by the power vested within
Declares them man and wife,
And then the kiss is no sin

The bride so beautiful
Her gown so pretty and bright
Her eyes, sweet crystal, so pure in love,
So shy, Such fright

She is so weak, so faint
She may come to harm
But the groom so dashing, so powerful
Holds her in his arm

And for the thousandth time
In his mind does he pledge
That if my wife were to cry in fear and distress
I should be dead

For as long as I live
I swear on everything pure
I will protect her, love her,
Her troubles will I myself endure

I will die for my love
For my love is my life’s purity
And though my heart may fade away
My love will last all eternity

And physically though we be together
Till the end of this life
I know that we shall forever
Remain husband and wife

And with these brave thoughts of undying love
He sweeps her off her feet
And walks down the aisle
For a strange new world to meet

For they both know that from the rising of today’s matrimonial sun
The force of two is now the power of one

I watch them pass, and shrink away from their awesome power
The strength, the bond, their joy and love
Does nought for me in my last hour

My strength has gone, my mind, my will
But not my love. No! Never!
For as long as love does exist in this cruel world
I will love you forever and ever

And if tomorrow never comes
If on my cheek this be my last tear
I shall wish, wish in my last gasp at life
Wish you were here.


woof, this one’s crazy! more on the same gal. i was slightly high on beer when i wrote this. sometimes, the chicken soup books can piss a guy off, even if he hasn’t even read ’em. if you don’t fully get this one, don’t worry. it’s s’posed to be vague. but you gotta admit, it’s kinda intense!! dekko…

More sleepless nights. More day-dreams. The familiar feeling of emptiness within. You haven’t left me. And you were never with me. You were always somewhere, tantalisingly close, yet always out of reach. Is it because I never tried to reach you? Is it because I was beaten to it? Is it because I was too scared of what you would say? But what is it now? Why have you come back into my head? Why do you torment me? Why can’t you leave me in peace? Why can’t I say that I love you?

Love is a feeling. I’m in love with the feeling. I’m not in love with you. I’m in love with the feeling. Just the elation of seeing the one who inspires those feelings. Just the lightness of my limbs, the energy, the smiles, the rosiness of the world, just the feeling. Not you, just the feeling. But why do you keep giving me the feeling?

Leave me alone. I don’t want to be with you. I can’t be with you. I won’t be with you. I love you…

I don’t see your face as easily as I used to in my imagination. Again, it’s the feeling. You just happen to be around, again. She left me, left a void. I thought I was over it. I thought it didn’t matter. I can’t be so vulnerable again. But why did you come back? Are you my weakness? Will you be my strength? Can you feel for me the way I feel for you?

What did you mean? “…if everything works out, and if we get married, will you give up eating meat for me?” What did you mean? Was it just a joke? You don’t know what you do to me, do you? Or do you?

Dreams. Dreams of spending mornings, afternoons, evenings, nights, dawns, everything with you. Forever. Eternity. A bond till death. May I die first. May your spirit forever live. “…and if we get married…” What did you mean?

Don’t smile. I melt at the sight. I hate you. I can’t win with you. I don’t want to win with you. I wont win with you. I don’t hate you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Shut up!! Get out of my head. I love you.

Chicken soup. Your first love. How could you? A test? A bloody test? Did you not know what you were doing? How could you? Intimate details of your thoughts on another man? And of all men, that bastard? How could you? Why? Why show it to me? Do you like to see me crumble? Do you want to see me break? I am broken. I am torn. I am empty. Fill me. Complete me. Save me. No!!! I am not weak. I can live without you. I have, I will. If animal existence is life. I will live. Leave me alone.

But you will never leave, will you? You haven’t left my mind. Not for four years when my eyes never saw you. You were always there. You would turn up anywhere. The attached pouch on the side upper berth of the AC sleeper. The hoarding. The ad in the paper. Goddammit!! Everywhere. Why can’t you just go away?

I love you. There, I said it! Did you hear it? Can you see it in my eyes. Can you look beyond the sardonic smile? Can you see the desperate disguise, the hopeless cover up? Am I doing a good job at hiding it? Can you see that I love you?

Too many questions. Too many questions. Silver lining. Wake up. Is this a dream? Are you real. Is it my imagination. Is it just the feeling. Do I love you? Can I love you? Fill me. Complete me.

Love me.

Damn it all!!!


oh, this one’s a killer. i was head over heels for this girl. man, she could weave magic around me with a flicker of a smile. i could go on about her, but i’ll let the blog do the talking, so to speak. this is some private stuff, but heck, it’s old news anyway. if the girl i’m talking about sees it, then i’m sorry if you mind. this is my vent. i’m human, and tonight i wanna talk. check it out…

The Shoe Story

my dad once brought me a pair of sports shoes from abroad. they were beautiful, they had a great colour, they fit like a glove and it felt like i was walking on air in them. i fell in love with them the moment dad took them out of his travel bag.i put them on and strutted around the house in them, making my brother jealous. they were too awesome to be worn all the time, so i determined that i’d only wear them on special ocassions, you know, ocassions that would fit their grandeur. i waited and waited, and finally the ocassions came. but i was never satisfied. i kept telling myself that the time was not right, that the ocassions just weren’t big enough. the shoes stayed safely in my locker, untouched except when i would take them out and dust them or wear them briefly around the house. and then the day came when i finally decided that it was about time that i put them on and go out. i put on my best clothes, took out a pair of new socks and finally sat down to put on my precious shoes. but i couldn’t put them on! they were too small; i had outgrown them! try as i might, i couldn’t get my feet to get into the shoes comfortably. when i finally got one on, it was too painful to keep on. mom saw me then and said to me, “there, are you happy now? your feet are too big now for those shoes. what a waste!”
i was heartbroken. i kept the shoes back in their place and went for the party in my old shoes. within a few days, without telling me, my mom gave my shoes away. my new shoes, my favourite shoes, the ones which i had waited so long to wear, were gone.
i was angry. i shouted at my mom. how dare she do this with my shoes? but in the end, i realised that i had just waited too long. my dreams of proudly walking around in them, my hopes of showing them off to the world remained just that, dreams and hopes.

those were just shoes.

what am i to you?

just a thought…


Heheh. this one i wrote as an assignment in our english class in first year. someone actually asked me if i was stoned while writing it. i was not. give it a look…

The Pleasure of Reading

Of the googles of discoveries and inventions of Man, made in the course of the millions of years of his evolution, just about his greatest accomplishment, as I perceive it, is the development of his mind, his intellect, his imagination, his power of communication and expression, his speech, the culmination of all these factors into his writing, and then his most fantastic gift to mankind, the submission of this writing to the world so that men, women and children anywhere may read, learn and enjoy the intrinsic complexities of the human psyche.

The utterly callous assumption that reading is one of the simple pleasures of life is ludicrous, atrocious and as dumb as dumb can be! While there are quite a number of unfortunate, wretched souls who do not benefit much from any book that they read, one cannot deny the immense psychedelic power that a good book can have on an unsuspecting mind. For when one sits down with a good book, be it a novel of fantasy, adventure, romance, political intrigue or mind boggling detection, for a brief but intense period of time, he loses his identity and becomes one with the story. A husky barbarian fighting sword and sorcery, a gallant youth riding his steed to rescue the fair damsel from the tower of the Black Knight, a noble young gentleman defying a thousand odds so that he may hold his sweetheart in his arms or die in ignominy in the eyes of every lover, a cunning spy walking stealthily in his dark trench coat, his hat and collar concealing all but his eyes which hold a thousand secrets that could spell doom to all, or the great detective, walking around the back alleys of Victorian London, putting years of research into the annals of crime to the test before he retires to a quiet cup of tea with the good Doctor in his quarters at 221B Baker Street. All these words, all these characters spur images of great interest in the mind of the reader. Most of us may never experience such fantastic adventure in the course of our lives, but we can enjoy every moment of it in the course of a good novel.

I have laid stress on novels, but I assure all reading that there are other equally enjoyable pleasures in reading books of non-fiction like biographies and auto-biographies, books of History, etc.

And so, in conclusion, I’d just like to say that movies are good, music and song is better, friends are outstanding and love is out of this world. But nothing beats a good book… and a warm bath on a cold November’s day.